Trust Evangelist

I have several titles: Parent Educator / Trainer / Entrepreneur / President / Founder / Conflict Coach / Parent Coach / Owner of Three Trusts, Inc.

I've just added Trust Evangelist as my main title. What does this mean? It means that I am an evangelist for trust ... I want more people making the decision to trust others. In my classes, I teach parents how to trust themselves more, how to make the (sometimes very difficult) decision to trust their ex-spouse to be a good enough, and how to trust their children. So much conflict is reduced when one makes the decision to trust the other person.

The December 29th issue of Time awards Barak Obama as Person of the Year. This is not a surprise, obviously. Here's a quote from Obama, which will explain why I am mentioning it here:

"I think people generally want to do the right thing, and if you're clear to them about what that right thing is, and if they see you doing the right thing, then that gives you some leverage."

And quoting the article itself: "Trust of this kind has been in short supply for many years in American politics, where the dominant attitude is that every disagreement is a sign of bad faith and every opponent is assumed to be malevolent. Obama’s attitude was ridiculed as kumbaya naivete during the campaign, but trust provided to be essential to his victory. His campaign entrusted millions of volunteers with unprecedented authority to download information about prospective voters, to assign themselves to make phone calls and canvass their own neighborhoods and apartment buildings, and to keep the campaign abreast of their progress. A typical presidential effort is top-down, intensely protective of its data and strategies. Obama’s approach seemed to court mischief or even chaos. ‘There was a lot of snickering among the political pros,’ says Plouffe [Obama’s campaign manager]. ‘They couldn’t believe that we were giving people we didn’t know access to our data and trusting them to handle it honestly. But it was enormously important because it made people feel that much more accountable: ‘These are my three blocks, and everyone’s counting on me.’”

This is an example of deep trust in one particular arena, and I know the political can seem far from the family. But it is an example that supports my view that when trusted, people are more likely to rise to the occasion. And the benefits of trusting someone far outweigh our tendency to distrust. I believe that when distrusted, one is more likely to become untrustworthy.

So there it is. I charge you to think deeply about your own trust issues. And ask yourself the question, what would happen if I decide to trust in this case? With this person? I’m not talking about being naïve or stupid. But ask the question, think about it, and decide how you want to live your life. I truly believe that Living in Trust makes your world a much better place.

Child-Centered Divorce

I've recently connected with the initiator of National Child-Centered Divorce Month (which is each July), Rosalind Sedacca. She has written an interesting book: How Do I Tell the Kids About the Divorce? This book walks parents through developing their own personalized storybook to use with the children, in order to get across the important messages children need to hear from their parents during the difficult transition:

1. This is not your fault.
2. Mom and Dad will always love you.
3. Mom and Dad will always be your Mom and Dad.
4. You are, and will continue to be, safe.
5. This is about change, not blame.
6. Everything is going to be okay.

Might sound simplistic, but whatever can be done to get parents to stay with these messages, in a consistent and loving way, through the transition, will help children tremendously.
Rosalind laments the irony that people often put more energy into throwing a party than telling the children about this devastating situation. How true!

You can learn more about Rosalind at her website: www.childcentereddivorce.com. And you can learn more about the book at: howdoitellthekids.com.