The Courage to Change the Things I Can

What can you change? Can you change your child’s other parent? Have you tried in the past? Did it work? (I didn’t think so.)

What CAN you change? Yourself? YES!

Truly, you have so little control over so much, but what matters the most in your life, and in your child’s life, is how much control you do have over yourself.

What does that mean practically? It’s good news! It means you can have a tremendous effect on your life, because you can change the way you look at what’s going on, and you can change the way you react to situations.

Example: Your ex has been e-mailing you lately, haranguing you about the amount of television you are allowing your child to watch. You have responded with anger, and the e-mail exchange has degenerated into a war of words, causing your heart to race, your stomach to flip, and your fingers respond furiously at the keyboard. You carry around your anger in the household, your child sees it, and when she mentions the other parent, you respond with hostility.

What can you change here? Not the fact that your ex e-mails you with rudeness and criticism. You can change your response. Four words that can save a day: “You might be right.” Then think about the criticism and keep your thoughts to yourself. That’s all the response necessary.

Always remember: it’s a very, very hard job, what you are doing. Parenting in an ideal world is challenging; parenting after a break-up can be overwhelming. Slow down. Stop guilting yourself. Breathe deeply. Do the best you can, and know that is enough.

Whatever your faith, creed, or religion, this prayer offers great wisdom:

Divine One,
Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.