Trust Evangelist

I have several titles: Parent Educator / Trainer / Entrepreneur / President / Founder / Conflict Coach / Parent Coach / Owner of Three Trusts, Inc.

I've just added Trust Evangelist as my main title. What does this mean? It means that I am an evangelist for trust ... I want more people making the decision to trust others. In my classes, I teach parents how to trust themselves more, how to make the (sometimes very difficult) decision to trust their ex-spouse to be a good enough, and how to trust their children. So much conflict is reduced when one makes the decision to trust the other person.

The December 29th issue of Time awards Barak Obama as Person of the Year. This is not a surprise, obviously. Here's a quote from Obama, which will explain why I am mentioning it here:

"I think people generally want to do the right thing, and if you're clear to them about what that right thing is, and if they see you doing the right thing, then that gives you some leverage."

And quoting the article itself: "Trust of this kind has been in short supply for many years in American politics, where the dominant attitude is that every disagreement is a sign of bad faith and every opponent is assumed to be malevolent. Obama’s attitude was ridiculed as kumbaya naivete during the campaign, but trust provided to be essential to his victory. His campaign entrusted millions of volunteers with unprecedented authority to download information about prospective voters, to assign themselves to make phone calls and canvass their own neighborhoods and apartment buildings, and to keep the campaign abreast of their progress. A typical presidential effort is top-down, intensely protective of its data and strategies. Obama’s approach seemed to court mischief or even chaos. ‘There was a lot of snickering among the political pros,’ says Plouffe [Obama’s campaign manager]. ‘They couldn’t believe that we were giving people we didn’t know access to our data and trusting them to handle it honestly. But it was enormously important because it made people feel that much more accountable: ‘These are my three blocks, and everyone’s counting on me.’”

This is an example of deep trust in one particular arena, and I know the political can seem far from the family. But it is an example that supports my view that when trusted, people are more likely to rise to the occasion. And the benefits of trusting someone far outweigh our tendency to distrust. I believe that when distrusted, one is more likely to become untrustworthy.

So there it is. I charge you to think deeply about your own trust issues. And ask yourself the question, what would happen if I decide to trust in this case? With this person? I’m not talking about being naïve or stupid. But ask the question, think about it, and decide how you want to live your life. I truly believe that Living in Trust makes your world a much better place.

Child-Centered Divorce

I've recently connected with the initiator of National Child-Centered Divorce Month (which is each July), Rosalind Sedacca. She has written an interesting book: How Do I Tell the Kids About the Divorce? This book walks parents through developing their own personalized storybook to use with the children, in order to get across the important messages children need to hear from their parents during the difficult transition:

1. This is not your fault.
2. Mom and Dad will always love you.
3. Mom and Dad will always be your Mom and Dad.
4. You are, and will continue to be, safe.
5. This is about change, not blame.
6. Everything is going to be okay.

Might sound simplistic, but whatever can be done to get parents to stay with these messages, in a consistent and loving way, through the transition, will help children tremendously.
Rosalind laments the irony that people often put more energy into throwing a party than telling the children about this devastating situation. How true!

You can learn more about Rosalind at her website: www.childcentereddivorce.com. And you can learn more about the book at: howdoitellthekids.com.

Thanksgiving Address

Greetings to the Natural World

The People
Today we have gathered and we see that the cycles of life continue. We have been given the duty to live in balance and harmony with each other and all living things. So now, we bring our minds together as one as we give greetings and thanks to each other as People.

Now our minds are one.

The Earth Mother
We are all thankful to our Mother, the Earth, for she gives us all that we need for life. She supports our feet as we walk about upon her. It gives us joy that she continues to care for us as she has from the beginning of time. To our Mother, we send greetings and thanks.

Now our minds are one.

The Waters
We give thanks to all the Waters of the world for quenching our thirst and providing us with strength. Water is life. We know its power in many forms—waterfalls and rain, mists and streams, rivers and oceans. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to the spirit of Water.

Now our minds are one.

The Fish
We turn our minds to all the Fish life in the water. They were instructed to cleanse and purify the water. They also give themselves to us as food. We are grateful that we can still find pure water. So, we turn now to the Fish and send our greetings and thanks.

Now our minds are one.

The Plants
Now we turn toward the vast fields of Plant life. As far as the eye can see, the Plants grow, working many wonders. They sustain many life forms. With our minds gathered together, we give thanks and look forward to seeing Plant life for many generations to come.

Now our minds are one.

The Food Plants
With one mind, we turn to honor and thank all the Food Plants we harvest from the garden. Since the beginning of time, the grains, vegetables, beans and berries have helped the people survive. Many other living things draw strength from them too. We gather all the Plant Foods together as one and send them a greeting and thanks.

Now our minds are one.

The Medicine Herbs
Now we turn to all the Medicine Herbs of the world. From the beginning, they were instructed to take away sickness. They are always waiting and ready to heal us. We are happy there are still among us those special few who remember how to use these plants for healing. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to the Medicines and to the keepers of the Medicines.

Now our minds are one.

The Animals
We gather our minds together to send greetings and thanks to all the Animal life in the world. They have many things to teach us as people. We see them near our homes and in the deep forests. We are glad they are still here and we hope that it will always be so.

Now our minds are one.

The Trees
We now turn our thoughts to the Trees. The Earth has many families of Trees who have their own instructions and uses. Some provide us with shelter and shade, others with fruit, beauty, and other useful things. Many peoples of the world use a Tree as a symbol of peace and strength. With one mind, we greet and thank the Tree life.

Now our minds are one.

The Birds
We put our minds together as one and thank all the Birds who move and fly about over our heads. The Creator gave them beautiful songs. Each day they remind us to enjoy and appreciate life. The Eagle was chosen to be their leader. To all the Birds—from the smallest to the largest—we send our joyful greetings and thanks.

Now our minds are one.

The Four Winds
We are all thankful to the powers we know as the Four Winds. We hear their voices in the moving air as they refresh us and purify the air we breathe. They help to bring the change of seasons. From the four directions they come, bringing us messages and giving us strength. With one mind, we send our greetings and thanks to the Four Winds.

Now our minds are one.

The Thunderers
Now we turn to the west where our Grandfathers, the Thunder Beings, live. With lightening and thundering voices, they bring with them the water that renews life. We bring our minds together as one to send greetings and thanks to our Grandfathers, the Thunderers.

Now our minds are one.

The Sun
We now send greetings and thanks to our eldest Brother, the Sun. Each day without fail he travels the sky from east to west, bringing the light of a new day. He is the source of all the fires of life. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to our Brother, the Sun.

Now our minds are one.

Grandmother Moon
We put our minds together and give thanks to our oldest Grandmother, the Moon, who lights the nighttime sky. She is the leader of women all over the world, and she governs the movement of the ocean tides. By her changing face we measure time, and it is the Moon who watches over the arrival of children here on Earth. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to our Grandmother, the Moon.

Now our minds are one.

The Stars
We give thanks to the Stars who are spread across the sky like jewelry. We see them in the night, helping the Moon to light the darkness and bringing dew to the gardens and growing things. When we travel at night, they guide us home. With our minds gathered together as one, we send greetings and thanks to all the Stars.

Now our minds are one.

The Enlightened Teachers
We gather our minds to greet and thank the enlightened Teachers who have come to help throughout the ages. When we forget how to live in harmony, they remind us of the way we were instructed to live as people. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to these caring Teachers.

Now our minds are one.

The Creator
Now we turn our thoughts to the Creator, or Great Spirit, and send greetings and thanks for all the gifts of Creation. Everything we need to live a good life is here on this Mother Earth. For all the love that is still around us, we gather our minds together as one and send our choicest words of greetings and thanks to the Creator.

Now our minds are one.

Closing Words
We have now arrived at the place where we end our words. Of all the things we have named, it was not our intention to leave anything out. If something was forgotten, we leave it to each individual to send such greetings and thanks in their own way.

Now our minds are one.

This translation of the Mohawk version of the Haudenosaunee Thanksgiving Address was developed, published in 1993, and provided here, courtesy of:
Six Nations Indian Museum and the Tracking Project
All rights reserved.
Thanksgiving Address: Greetings to the Natural World
English version: John Stokes and Kanawahienton (David Benedict, Turtle Clan/Mohawk)
Mohawk version: Rokwaho (Dan Thompson, Wolf Clan/Mohawk)
Original inspiration: Tekaronianekon (Jake Swamp, Wolf Clan/Mohawk)
Thanksgiving Address Fund
c/o Tracking Project
P.O. Box 266
Corrales, New Mexico 87048

Conflict Dynamics Profile(R)

I'm happy to say I've recently been certified to administer a powerful tool for understanding your responses to conflict, and how to become more conflict-competent. The Conflict Dynamics Profile can be used as an individual assessment, or it can be used as a 360 assessment, using responses from bosses, peers / colleagues, and people who report directly to you. My 11-yr-old daughter assessed me, as one of my direct reports! :)

Although it is more often used in a workplace environment, I think it has useful applications for parents. For one thing, learning to be conflict competent is our mission at Three Trusts. Executive leadership training can be very useful for parents, who are the executive leaders of their home and children! All the traits that good leaders possess work especially well in the home: respect, ability to listen well, constructive problem-solving, etc.

We all know how inescapable conflict is. And we all know there are two distinctly different forms of conflict. The best is constructive ("cognitive") conflict, where the ideas and concepts are focused on. And we all know the worst conflict becomes personal ("affective conflict"), highly emotional and damaging. The work of Three Trusts is to decrease (eliminate!) the destructive affective conflict, while encouraging and increasing skills in the constructive cognitive conflict.

I've been enjoying speaking to groups in the greater Denver area about conflict resolution. I'd love to speak to your group as well. Give me a call!

Fathers and Austin

Here in Golden, CO, we just finished a successful Three Trusts workshop for fathers, funded by the State of Colorado Fatherhood Initiative.

Parents take the Three Trusts workshop because:

1. It will help them reduce conflict in their life, especially with the other parent;
2. Because they will learn proven techniques to live more peacefully; and
3. Because their children will benefit from a more stable household.

These courses are taught in the Denver metro area, and online. The online workshop is convenient, for anyone with a phone and a computer, if the Colorado course is too far away. Click here for more information.

I'll soon be attending the national conference of the Association for Conflict Resolution in Austin. I'll be in Austin from Monday, Sept. 22nd through Saturday, Sept. 27th. If you are in town as well, I'd love to see you!

Three Trusts, Inc., is all about personal transformation and journeying along pathways of peace. Please let me hear from you!

Opening Your Heart

My work is about heartspace. To live in trust is to live with an open heart.

What happens when the world is falling down around you? How do you come to a place of calm, with a peaceful heart? How can you trust when your heart has been so broken?

First, accept that it is possible.

It is possible for your heart to break open, for you to once again live in a world of love and peace and trust. It is possible for you to use the most excruciating experiences as a crucible, through which you emerge transformed.

Finding a bit of quiet time, for yourself, for reflection, is crucial. How much time, how many minutes, have you given yourself today for reflection, for restoration, for spirit-nourishment?

Radio Show: Reducing Conflict in Divorce

I enjoyed being on a panel this morning, on KGNU radio in Boulder, CO, part of their quarterly program on Conflict Resolution.  You can go to the site:  KGNU, and either stream the broadcast or download it.  The download is the whole newscast, from 8am to 9:30 this morning, but the Conflict Resolution program ran from 8:35 to 9:30.

Also, check out my new website design, ready for the Three Trusts, Inc. Grand Opening and Ribbon Cutting, new digs in downtown Golden (2nd floor of the Golden Visitors Center!):

www.threetrusts.com

I'm looking forward to posting regularly again on this blog.  I've needed some personal downtime, contemplative time, before the launch of the business.  I've got classes scheduled now through June, both in Golden and on-line.  I look forward to hearing from you!

Love,

Ruth